What are some signs of a textbook narcissist?

"I think a good way to discern what are the signs of a textbook narcissist is to be aware of red flags/characteristics/traits which will help assist a person determine whether he or she is interfacing with a narcissist. This list identifies some of the significant ones.

The narcissist will assert the he or she has been victimized by:

•Family

•Exes

•Coworkers

•Fellow Students

•Teammates

•Teachers

•Therapists

Emotions Most Narcissist Do Not Feel:

•regret

•compassion

•remorse

•emotional empathy

•contrition

•joy

•elation

•happiness

•sympathy

•guilt

•empathy

Emotions the Narcissist Does Feel:

•Anger

•Rage

•Anxiety

•Emptiness

•Sadness

•Disdain

•Confusion

•Envy

•Angst

•Contentment

•Curiosity

•Excitement

•Shame brought on by potential perceptions of others

The Narcissist Expects Significant Other (SO) to provide the narcissist with:

•Consideration

•Respect

•Praise

•Sensitivity

•Admiration

•Approval

•Adoration

Maladaptive Coping Mechanism Utilized:

•Silent treatment

•Ghosting

•Projection

•Projective Identification

•Rationalization

•Vagueness

•Denial

•Lies

•Deflecting

•Insinuations

Compares SO to others via Triangulation:

Hypocrisy: Do as I say; do not do as I do. The narcissist does what he wants to do, when he wants do it, with whomever he wants to do it with. Hypocrisy Boulevard is one way street.

Spoils Birthdays and Holidays: The narcissists creed-- "If I a am not the center of attention, I am going be throw "a wet blanket" over the event."

Job and Relationships: short-term and highly tempestuous--there will be no shortage of drama, trauma, and chaos.

Texts and Phone Calls: When the narcissist calls or texts, the SO better respond without delay. On the other hand, when the SO calls or texts the narcissist, the narcissist will get to it when he gets to it.

Apologies: None given as the significant other (SO) is always at fault. The narcissist has no regrets, feels no remorse/contrition, and admits to no vulnerabilities.

Favorite Defenses:

•blame shifting

•projection

•deflection

•silent treatment

Intimacy: Post love bombing phase, the narcissist finds intimacy to be...

•vile

•repulsive

•repugnant

According to the narcissist, displaying emotions is a sign of...

•weakness

•a whiner

•an immature person

•pathetic behavior

•a cry baby

•childish behavior

Frequently has financial woes...

•not apt to repay loans

•forgets wallet

•vanishes when check arrives

•will assert the SO will get paid back in the future

Narcissist does not discuss relationship history:

Often prefers SO's who are...

•honest

•trustworthy

•fair minded

•empathic

•forgiving

•monogamous

•aspires to try to always maintain personal and relationship integrity

•decent

•caring

Often prone not to be faithful

•one night stands

•sex may be used as a weapon

•hook ups with strangers

•sex may be used to exert power and control

•if somatic narcissist will hook up for revenge and w/o being selective

Narcissist does not introduce his current SO to...

•family

•friends

•teachers

•former SOs

•coworkers

•classmates

Cell Phone Habits:

•takes phone to bathroom

•always places phone face down

•does not leave phone out when it's being charged

•tells SO not to text but rather email

•has multiple email and texts addresses

•turns ringer off/leaves phone on silent mode

•speaks to people so that he can not be heard

•has more than one phone

•has apps for dating sites used

•frequently checking phone

•constantly making remarks about how SO is doing sneaky things with his or her cell phone

MIA: narcissist simply vanishes for periods of time with allegedly plausible explanations for the absence.

Unreachable for stints of time: the narcissist can not be reached, but always has allegedly plausible reasons for his periods of "radio silence."

Secret Porn Habits: if SO is accused of having a porn habit. The narcissist has a porn habit.

Wants to Live Together Quickly: this a way to expedite the NT (neurotypical) SO to emotionally vest 100% a quickly as possible.

Intense disdain for true self which is considered...

•weak

•unlovable

•inept

•"too soft"

•worthless

•ineffectual

•clingy

•less than

•too emotional

When angry with SO, will accuse SO of being...

•weak

•unlovable

•inept

•"too soft"

•worthless

•ineffectual

•clingy

•less than

•too emotional

Physical Intimacy ASAP:

•comments made about hyper sexuality

•discussions about additional people involved in sexual escapades

••testing technique

••generate allure

•will discuss pushing boundaries sexually -- eager to try new things

•sex often is ace card to expedite the NT SO's emotional vesting

Computer Habits Suspect:

••not allowing SO to see what is on screen

••history is cleared after narcissist uses

••multiple email addresses

••dating sites

••social media hook ups

••computer is apparently a boon for narcissistic supply

••hovers when SO using computer

••asking SO passwords but not providing same

••puppet accounts

*narcissists not aware SOs cousin or friend knows narcissist by as both narc and SO using different names; 3 degrees of separation.

•Vagueness about past relationships.

•Narcissist vacillates between grandiose self-perception and self loathing.

•Finances often in poor shape.

•Very few, if any, close friends.

•Multiple abortions; multiple children with different mothers.

•Expensive gifts and holidays.

•Vagueness Regarding...

••schools attended

••graduation dates

••awards received

••programs took part in

•"Deep thinker ploy." If narcissist staring out window trying to demonstrate he or she is in "deep thought mode," this is often a form over substance maneuver.

•Narcissist more likely thinking about how to secretly obtain supply than thinking about some moral and ethical dilemma.

•Spends a great deal of time at SO's residence and not vice versa. Narcissist apt to go his or her primary residence for side hook ups.

•Narcissist prone to question SO regarding betrayals and intentions... this means narcissist may very well have bad intentions and a history of betrayal.

•Narcissist can not take criticism; one can't disagree with narcissist."