How does a Narcissist become collapsed and why do they do it?

"Consider a bit like a mental breakdown. They don’t do it deliberately (it happening is one of the greatest fears) - it happens to them as result of their own pattern of behaviour.

What is Narcissistic Collapse?

Collapse happens when they can no longer manage to maintain the charade, or the gap between their false self and real self. Hard reality knocks, and the vulnerability of their false self is laid bare. Their looks catch up with them. They’ve pissed so many supporters off along the way that people steer clear. The players in their make-believe world including friends, enablers and flying monkeys wake up to realise that the whole victim narrative was a string of lies and that is they who are the toxic ones, and not their victims. That none of their apparent “success” in life is actually attributable to them but was essentially stolen or borrowed from others. That all of their crazy and abusive exes are in fact not unhinged, but were made to appear that way by all of the crazy-baiting and drama deliberately caused by the narc themselves. Their children wake up to the reality that their normal range parents loved them all along.

What triggers narcissistic collapse therefore?

Simply put, it is the withdrawal of narcissistic supply that they depend upon to maintain their illusion. Sufficient that they have to confront their real selves, the monster that lurks beneath and which they can hide no longer. Specific examples might include:

• The passing of a toxic parent who has propped them up for the duration of their lives
• Abandonment by a partner or ex-partner. Note the difference between the two. The chances are that their current partner is providing positive narcissistic supply (adoration and the like), propping up their false selves, the charming and respectable charade of Dr Jekyll, with positive affirmations. Unless their ex-partner has been able to cut all ties, they are very likely to be the provider of huge quantities of negative supply (fighting as they are a rear-guard action against the drama, control, chaos inflicted by the narc). This reassures the narc’s real self, the toxic and twisted reality of Mr Hyde, that they are still significant, omnipotent. In feeds the sadistic side of their split personality by the bucketload.
• Exposure for all the horrors that they have committed, thereby exposing them to ridicule and loathing.
• The withdrawal of support of their disciples. Narcs rely on a band of loyal supporters to carry out their dirty work, and to provide that constant reassurance that their actions are acceptable. Falling into categories of Flying Monkeys, who take an active role, and enablers whose, role may be more passive, both breeds are vital to prop up the fragile ego of the narcissist. Some disciples know what they are doing is toxic – and they don’t care, because they are just as toxic and band together as natural allies. Others may be fundamentally decent people who simply don’t realise that they are being used and manipulated. If, however, they are presented with the information required to determine the evil being perpetrated and carry on their support, know that they too are toxic.
• The smashing of the illusion. Narcs are preoccupied by fantasies of wealth, success, power, attractiveness. As their lives progress, however, the hard reality of these dreams ever becoming reality fade. The careers don’t take them on the paths they imagined. The ruses for achieving success fail. Their treachery of doing so is uncovered and exposed. Their looks fade. Their bodies fail them.
• Dropping the Mask. Whilst victims may be very aware of the abuse happening behind closed doors, narcs have am amazing ability to fool everybody else around them. They are not invincible, however, and like all of us have their own limits. When provoked in the right way, they are just as capable of fly off the handle like the rest of us - but their narcissistic rage is explosive. Their triggers are both different and more sensitive than normal-range people. If and when they do blow their top, following some innocent enough jibes that mock them for example, they reveal the monster that lies beneath. Recovering from such a faux pas is much more difficult for the narc who can’t apologise, who can’t take responsibility, who can’t empathise, and who can’t model genuine feelings of remorse."