Can you win an argument with a narcissistic person?

 Interesting read right there......   bam!

"Why does everyone say you can't win against a narcissist?

Yes, you most certainly can.

But just not in the way that you know it.

Sound cryptic? To unravel this question, you just need to alter your perspective a bit. A narcopath is never going to let you win an argument – not ever – so just accept this. But that is from the narc’s perspective.

You, on the other hand, are more interested in life from your standpoint, and in this regard there are numerous ways in which you can give yourself a hearty slap on the back for a resounding victory against them. Play NarcBingo, awarding yourself a point every time you achieve any of the following:

• You avoid and/or immediately detach. Given that you will never win an argument with a narc, is there any point in engaging in one in the first place? Walking away, without getting sucked in and without a resolution, is an automatic win for regardless of your desire to make any point or score a victory - because disarming and mindfucking you is in fact the goal of the narc, much more so that winning the argument. By avoiding an argument in the first place, you are maintaining your sanity and depriving the narc of an opportunity to degrade you.
• You spot gaslighting. One of the most potent weapons in the narc’s armoury, and sharp as hell, it can cut your sanity up into small little pieces – if you let it, that is. To spot it, take a step back from the argument and look for the signs – the mistruths, the phraseology, the changes in direction, the contradictions. Ensure that the “removed you” stays well and truly grounded in the fact and reality.
• You resist the gaslighting. Not only do you spot it, but you go on the offensive by refusing to accept the falsities. Like a dog with a bone, you hold onto reality with a passion. Don’t let the narc off the hook – but sink them with questions and comments such as “Why do you say that?”, “How can you be so sure?”, “I can’t believe that Marcia really said that – but it’s OK, I’ll ask her”, “Do you have any proof of that?”, “That may well be your version of reality, but it sure as hell isn’t mine”, “You’re not going to convince me on that”, “Do you worry that you are losing the plot” etc.
• You counter-gaslight yourself. A bit naughty perhaps, but if it saves your sanity and stops you from being abused then it may well be justified. Deliberately counter every single point with false counter-arguments that cannot be disproved, and
• You spot the word salad, the mechanism by which a narc will take the debate into every which direction rather than address an issue. Arguments for argument’s sake – just to wind you up and get your frustrated. When you see word salad

• developing, turn the tables on them. Ask them outright what it is that they are arguing about. Ask them if they are going crazy when they veer off-piste. Continually ask them to return to the heart of the argument and be critical of tangential distractions. Tell them that they seem to be getting very frustrated and irrational and invite them to take a breather to calm down.
• You resist being wound up – instead do the winding. Laugh at them, ridicule them. Tell them they should stay off the drugs. Or take more meds.
• You pause in order to control the pace of the argument. Like a machine gun rattling away, it seems that the narc’s line of argument is on almost permanent fire – pausing only to allow a target to move and therefore reveal itself for another salvo. The best defence against this is so simply stare at the narc with the most blank expression that you can muster. This is easier to achieve if you stop listening to the words said, but look closely at the expressions made. Try and work out what is going on in the narc’s head for them to behave in such a way, and pity them for the emptiness and self-loathing that they have that they cannot engage in a more meaningful exchange. Do not answer or comment when the flow of conversation would indicate you should – just look and stare, in perfect control and pity. They really don’t like the element of control removed from them in this way – they want you to engage and be upset.
• You disengage from the result. If an argument develops about a specific thing – visiting your mother-in-law next week-end, for example – try and unbother yourself with the result. So rather than resist your narc’s wishes to commit to a visit, instead be vague and non-committal. “Well – let’s see what the weather is doing”, or “Sure in principle – but I’m just waiting to see if we have a football match scheduled for then”.

Try not to torture yourself with any kind of need or wish for the following more conventional ways of winning an argument – or even feeling respected during one:

• Receiving any kind of apology;
• Having any kind of credibility acknowledged for the points you make;
• Having your honest opinion sought or validated;
• Being allowed to pause for breath, or to let your brain catch up;
• To have the truth acknowledged or respected.
• Having the last word.

Granting any of these would represent failure to a narcissist – and failing is something that they will avoid at all costs. They’ll win every battle – even if it means losing the war.

Word of Caution

One very important point to make - I write this from the vantage position of being a strong, fit, healthy and robust guy dealing with a female narcopath who had very good reason to be extremely careful not to leave any physical evidence of her abuse. As a result, I never had to worry about my physical safety. Most narcs will feel disrespected and very threatened by some of these counter-measures, and are more than capable of resorting to physical violence in order to regain control and assert their authority. Only ever consider doing any of these if you can absolutely guarantee your physical and general safety - both at the time of confrontation, and any time thereafter."